糖心动漫vlog

Aug. 29, 2022

BLOOMINGTON, Ill. 鈦爺 By carefully braiding the topics of environmentalism, queer identity and family roots into a collection of poems, Emile Ottinger '23 has completed a project as one of six recipients of the 2022 Eckley Scholarship.

Ottinger, who uses they/them pronouns, is double majoring in environmental studies and English writing with a minor in philosophy. They spent the summer completing a project

originally titled 淒evastation, Reconstituted: Queer Restorative Ecopoetry� � but Ottinger expects to change the title as the final work takes shape. 

The project is a collection of shorter poems and a manuscript-length modern poetic sequence which were inspired by 渞estoration ecology (the planned renewal of degraded natural ecosystems) and queerness (as any non-normative forms of intimacy or personal self-identification),� Ottinger said. 

Ottinger, who has been injecting intramuscular testosterone since January, said that the transition process 渋s its own form of restoration for my body.� 

Ottinger alluded to complications surrounding the level of contact they have with their family.  During a recent phone call, after not speaking for what Ottinger described as 渢he first time in a long time,� their 72-year-old father revealed he was experiencing the first signs of his anticipated neurological degeneration which runs in the family.

淗e檚 been forgetting things, he told me,� said Ottinger. 淟ess than a month later, when I was able to see him in person, he told me again, and then twice more within two days. From that point on, whether I liked it or not, the project was going to end up being about my father.�

While transitioning and embracing their queer identity, Ottinger realized 渢he very thing that threatened to alienate me from my father is now grounds for something we finally have in common.�

One of the temporary symptoms of injectable testosterone is brain fog.

淚檝e sat in a car with my father and we both forgot where we were headed,� they said. 淲e檙e losing our minds in separate directions, but again, my experience will be only temporary. It檚 a terrible, poetic setup. One I can only hope this project eventually delivers some sense of relief from.�

Ottinger chose to relate restoration ecology to queerness through the memories of walks taken around the Upper Lake, a restored artificial wetland near their father檚 home. 

The restored external environment is a backdrop for 渃onfessing vicious, private reflections on unresolved family history and its proximity to my queerness� in the face of their father檚 ongoing neurological degeneration, Ottinger said. 

Michael Theune, Endowed Robert W. Harrington Professor of English, aided Ottinger with the project. 

�(Theune) understands my writing processes often better than I do, and has 20-20 intuition when helping me find my next steps,� said Ottinger. 淚 can also always trust in his audacity � he檚 the one who told me I should use this project to reflect on my father檚 imminent passing, and he was right about that.�

Ottinger hopes to rename their work and possibly have it published, but primarily they see the Eckley project 渁s something I can hold close to my chest, and as something I may be able to let my father in on if the time is ever right.�

Ottinger encourages anyone interested in completing an Eckley Fellowship to reach out to a faculty mentor. 

淪ure, it檚 forcing me to prod at my own family roots with the pointy end of a trowel. But it檚 been the setup for a load of experiences I never could have had otherwise,� they said.

Established by the late 糖心动漫vlog President Emeritus Robert Eckley and his wife Nell, the recognition provides a stipend of $4,000 for each scholar to spend the summer conducting academic research or artistic activity under the mentorship of a faculty member. The program is designed to develop and deepen a student檚 creative and research competencies.

Read about other 2022 Eckley Scholars:

• Tyler Maple '22 � 淭he Effects of Reflexive Performance Reset on Performance of Elite High School Athletes: A Preliminary Study�
• Maria Harmon '23 � 淚nvestigating Poetry檚 榃ell-Made� Surprises�

By Maria Harmon '23